THE MINISTER, HIS FAMILY AND THE MINISTRY
This topic will be considered with the following in view:
• Who is the minister?
• What is the family?
• The relationship between a minister and his home.
• The implication for the minister and his household.
• The implication for his household.
Who is the Minister?
The minister in our context as quoted by Oyedele on page 10 is `a clergy man or the previous leader in Christian Churches.` according to The Complete Christian Dictionary.
Maxey identified certain futures that authenticate the ministry of the minister. Such an individual must have been called of God, being sure of the call, he must have responded with great persuasion, the call must have been publicly acknowledged. Further, the individual must be generally fit for ministry, must submit to formal or informal preparation, must receive recognition and sanction of the Church, must have ability to preach and such messages must receive divine approval as it propels changes in the lives of people. Pgs. 39-44.
A minister is therefore a human being appointed by God to serve Him on earth amongst men as a dispenser of the gospel with the aim of raising men for service and preparing them for eternity with God, through exemplifying the life of Christ. By the nature of his call, he is expected to be exemplary. By this, he and his home should become objects through which lessons in godly living can be learnt. They are to be models, or a type that is worthy of emulation.
What is the family?
A Family is a group of people who are closely related by -Birth, -Marriage- Exodus 21:7-9, or -Adoption- Romans 8:15-17. It could be nuclear or extended. In Africa, the recognized family system is the extended family system in which the husband and wife together with their children keep a close relationship with their extended relations including siblings, grand parents, uncles and aunties, cousins, nephews and nieces.
For the purpose of this write-up however more attention will be given to the minister’s immediate or nuclear family.
Possible constituent members of a minister’s family may include
• The Minister
• The spouse
• The children
• Dependent relatives (if any stays with them)
• Church members resident in the minister’s home
• House help(s). (If they have one).
The relationship between a minister’s family and his ministry
The minister’s family may determine how far God can commit things into his/her hands. 1 Tim. 3:4&5.
The state of the minister’s family determines the level of credibility people will attach to him and his ministry. 1 Samuel 8:1ff; 1 Tim. 3:7.
The minister’s family will either increase his boldness and courage in ministry or make him timid before his congregation or even shut his mouth on some subjects. Eli’s home- 1 Samuel 2:12ff.
The ministers family may open him up to reproach and the accusation of the enemy. Rev. 12:10.
The implication for the minister
The minister must manage his home well in the following areas:
Spiritual management- The spiritual health of his family will affect other areas of the family life. His family is his first church where he must ensure constant study of the word of God and prayers. Deut. 6:4-8. He must be like Abraham in Genesis 18:17-19 of whom God said ‘I know him that he will….’ God must be able to vouch for him on his seriousness and commitment to the spiritual nurturing of his family. His Family altar must be consistent and fervent with every family members in active participation. Members of his household should not be bench warmers in the church, each must identify their individual areas of giftedness and function effectively in the same. He must be able to help family members to identify their gifts. His commitment to the spiritual nurturing of his family will give him guaranteed access to the secret of the Most High.
Financial management– The minister’s family must exercise strict financial discipline.
• They must not live beyond their means, they must avoid the error of ‘wanting to be like the Joneses.’2 Corinthians 10:12.
• The minister must make adequate provision for his family members within his means so as not to expose them to negative influence. Genesis 30:30.
• They must live by the principle of godliness with contentment is a great gain.
• They must avoid unnecessary indebtedness; they should remember that a borrower is a servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7. The minister and his family members should avoid borrowing money from church members no matter how nice they think they are now.
The time of your lack may be another time of your training in learning both to abound and to be abased. It may be another time of God training you to learn to wait on and depend on him, as you learn to live the faith life. Cutting corners will only prolong your learning process.
Children management–
A minister who cannot manage well his own children leaves everybody in doubt as to his ability to manage the church of God. When a minister’s children becomes wayward, disobedient or unruly, they bring their parents ministry under reproach. The minister must therefore build intimacy with his children so that they can open up to him without hiding anything from him.
• He must not assume their salvation. 1 Samuel 2:12-25; 8:1-5. Could it be that Eli and Samuel assumed that their children were godly that they made them priests and rulers over God’s people? The minister must labour on his children individually until he is sure they have surrendered to Christ, after which he continues to labour on them in individual discipleship and mentoring. The minister must not be so busy that he cannot create time for his children. He should take the lead in their training in the ways of God and not abandon that responsibility to his wife, the children Church or any so called mission school. Eph. 6:4.
• He has a responsibility to know their friends and their role models. The influence of friends or what we call peer pressure on the development of a child cannot be overemphasized, because of the influence that such stands to have upon their lives. See 2 Samuel 13: 1-18. Visiting them in their schools during open day, visiting day and other occasional visit should not be left to their mother alone, as it affords him the privilege of following up the development of his children outside the home. A minister of this generation must be ICT compliant to catch up with his children development.
• The minister should provide for the needs of his children within his capacity so as not to expose them to immoral way of looking for money to meet their needs. Some minister’s male children have gotten themselves into the trap of cultism through assistance they received from cult guys who pretends to be some nice big brothers, while some ladies have been led into sexual immorality to make ends meet when their parents cannot meet their basic needs.
• The minister must give his children sound moral training in obedience, respect, communication, dressing, relationship with opposite sex, so that they will not be wayward, unruly or disobedient; lest they bring his ministry to disrepute.
Spouse relationship management–
The minister marital relationship with his/her spouse has a lot to do in his ministry. A sour marital relationship will negatively affect his ministry.
The minister should therefore be available for his spouse. This issue of availability is very critical. A situation where a minister finds time for parishioners and others and spend hours with them but complains of not having time for his wife might soon wreck his ministry. He should make time to be with his wife part of his priority. Spend more time with her than you spend with other women no matter their responsibility in the church.
The minister should make adequate provisions for her. Eph. 5:28&29. A situation where a minister dresses like a king and the wife dresses like a slave is a disgrace to his ministry and does not portray him in a good light before the people. He should therefore make adequate provision for her daily upkeep. She should not be made to feel inferior among the women she is expected to minister to.
The minister should be concerned about the progress of his wife and seek to improve her that she might be fit for him. Gen. 2:18. A situation where a man got married to a lady when both of them had ordinary diploma, and he had progressed to do degree, masters and doctoral program while living the woman at her initial level on the excuse of the care of the children is not only bad but it is detrimental to the effectual success of his ministry. Such women are left to be suffering from inferiority complex, as they feel inadequate to meet either their husbands demand or peoples’ expectations from them based on the level of their husband.
Some minister consequently will start to look upon their wives with the eye of inferiority complex and may run into the error of looking for other ladies that they think would match their status to follow them anytime they have a public outing all in the name of mentoring.
Provide sexual satisfaction- Female ministers have the responsibility of satisfying their husbands sexually and not starve them all in the name of being busy with the work of ministry.
Promoting Unity and Togetherness
– Plan together for the home.
– Play with your spouse and create time for recreation and relaxation together.
– If you must visit other ladies, go with your wife or at least another man.
– Let gifts to ladies pass through your wife.
– Avoid counseling ladies under close doors. Pro. 6:27&28.
– Involve your wife in your ministry as she complements you in her own area of giftedness.
– Manage your conflict without involving church members.
– Be open to your spouse even as you build trust.
– Wife must be an example of a submissive woman- Titus 2:4&5.
– Husband must the wife unconditionally. Eph. 5:25-29.
Relationship with other dependants–
– House helps must be treated as fellows in the faith; there must be no oppression or cruelty. Eph. 6:9; Col. 4:1.
– Resident church member(s) must not be maltreated or taken advantage of. 1 Tim. 5:1.
– Relations must not be allowed to come in between the minister and the spouse. Accept the other spouse’ relations as your own and avoid selfishness and self-centeredness in the way you treat them. Ruth 1:16
Personal behaviour at home–
– Must be sober- having self control- Titus 3:2.
– Must be hospitable- Titus 1:8
– Must not be a striker- not self-willed or soon angry- Titus 1:7
– No alcohol in your home
– Must of good behaviour at home.
– Must not be unfaithful to spouse.
– Must not harbour un-forgiveness or bitterness.
– Must maintain a clean and tidy environment at home.
Your family relationship with the community
• Pastor must be a model of an ideal husband in the community
• Pastor must be the model of an ideal father in the community
• His integrity must commend him to his community as a community priest.
• He participate in the Community Development Association of his community where he shines as light.
• The wife must be a model of an ideal wife to other women in the community. Titus 2:4&5.
• She must be a model of an ideal mother.
• Her integrity must present her as a peace maker and counselor to the community, not a contentious woman.
• They must not be involved in quarrelling, nagging, and the likes.
• They must be hospitable.
• Their children should dress modestly and decently.
• Their children most be respectful and when disciplined.
Conclusion
As you lay your bed, they say, so also will you lie on it. Your home is where you have to lay your head after all the pressure of ministry. Even if you go to a mountain or your office to run away from your home you cannot remain there forever. You will therefore be doing yourself a lot of good to sacrifice time, energy and other resources to make your home a haven.
