THE MAN OF GOD AND SEXUAL FIDELITY
Text – Ephesians 5:1-7; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8; 2 Timothy 2:19-22.
Man of God is a biblical title of respect applied to prophets and beloved religious leaders. The man of God is the man in whom God is at work to accomplish his purpose on earth. He could be called into any of the five-fold ministries of an Apostle, Prophet, Evangelist, Pastor and Teacher. He is appointed from among men by God, to serve him by serving men. He should therefore not forget that he is a man. Secondly, he must not forget that he is responsible to God, before whom we are all naked.
The Free Dictionary.com defined sexual fidelity as The condition or behavior of engaging in sex only with one’s spouse or only with one’s partner in a sexual relationship. Of course the only partner any reasonable person should have should be the spouse and no other.
The Man of God is expected to provide a guide for the larger community before whom he stands as God’s representative and is expected to be a role model in engaging in sexual relation with his spouse only.
At the beginning of the ecclesiastical office, sexual ethics was not made part of the training curriculum despite the fact that the Scriptures is loaded with ethics for such offices. It is sad to note however that the level of sexual infidelity before the inclusion of sexual ethics into the ecclesiastical office training curriculum is nothing to be compared with the flagrant sexual infidelity among ministers after the inclusion.
Ethics is simply the study of right and wrong. Ministerial ethics will therefore be guidelines and standards of life that is expected of a minister of the gospel of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. The Epistles are loaded with ethical standards in various areas of life of a servant of God. Here however we are considering sexual ethic as presented in the Bible. Our sexual ethics provides theological and marital boundaries, but we also need practical strategies for living out our theological and marital commitments. As males who minister to females, or females who minister to males, we need to have some practical sexual sensitivities which illuminate our theological convictions.
We must be convicted that we represent God’s love, righteousness and faithfulness in this fallen world. As God’s image to the people, we must reflect a sexual ethic that is grounded in God’s own nature. Our sexual ethic will reflect who we are and the development of our character. Our sexual behavior is largely linked to the quality of life in our marriages. It is linked to the depth and nature of our commitment to our spouses. An unhealthy marriage leads to sexual dysfunction and then, that may lead to sexual misconduct.
Our Congregation always assume that ministers are persons of integrity who are worthy of respect and honour. Indeed, that is what we ought to be, but many of us have betrayed the trust to a level that it is becoming a shameful thing to introduce oneself as a minister in some quarters.
A pastor is either married or single. While the married are expected to be committed to marital fidelity to avoid adultery (Matthew 5:27-28), the singles are to be committed to sexual abstinence before marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-2; 6:18), both recognizing that fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God. Hebrews 13:4. Pastors are not to exploit their professional position (power) for personal gain. Most ministers begin their vocation with good intention. But as they face sexual temptation just like every man is tempted according to Titus 1:15-17, and the enticement of power, some succumb.
Sexual misconduct is dated back to the scriptural days as we read of the son’s of Eli in 1 Samuel 2:21 who became highly promiscuous. Paul equally warned the church leaders of the 1st century Christianity about the dangers of sexual sin. 1 Corinthians 6:9-20; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; 1 Timothy 3:2.
Peter Rutter defines sexual misconduct as “any sexual contact that occurs within the framework of a professional relationship of trust (such as that involving a counselor or a pastor). Such abuse includes any contact or action intending to cause erotic interest, whether there is touching or not.” To Stanley Grenz and Roy Bell, it is both a violation of sacred sexual trust and the privilege of pastoral position endowed by the Church and the Lord. It is also a betrayal of the ordination vow.
When the sick come to the sick for help
Since a minister is seen as a spiritual physician, the female folks come to us with their intimate, vulnerable, wounded or undeveloped parts, seeking acceptance, self-worth and emotional support, that will guarantee their physical, emotional or psychological healing. The trust and confidence in the minister often makes even the woman with a firm sense of sexual boundaries to come off-guard so that her inner self may be seen by her physician. The minister however, motivated by his own perceived needs, borne out of selfish and self-centered lustful desires, may move the relationship into the sexual realm, seeking his own perceived healing at the expense of the other person.
According to Arch Hart, Dean of the School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary, writing as far back as 1952, he said “The greatest challenge facing the church in the next century is “sexuality.”[1] As if this is a prophecy, today a great percentage of pastors have been unfaithful in their marriages. A great percentage of those who we even think are great servants of God have had two or more sexual partners in recent times. Many pastors secretly watch X-rated movie, read pornographic material, purchased erotic devices, or keep calling phone sex numbers, while many engage in emotional affairs on social media. Many pastors fantasize about having sex with someone other than their spouse, others have sexual relations with another partner besides their spouse, while others engage in mutual fondling with someone other than their spouse.
Breaking Ministerial Sexual ethics through sexual infidelity
- The sexual infidelity could originate from the pastor
- At times, the sexual infidelity is initiated by the congregant.
- At times it is by mutual consent.
Five Categories of Ministers engaging in Sexual Infidelity
Whichever way it occurs, it is an abuse of power by the minister. Such ministers fall into five categories with three gleaned from the article titled Sexual Ethics in Ministry, by John Marks Hicks, [Published in Building a Healthy Ministers Family: Preachers Forum. Harding Univeristy Graduate School of Religion (Nashville: Gospel, Advocate, 1996), pp. 51-74]
- Pastoral predators who actively seek opportunities to abuse women sexually. They pretend to be caring, but use their power and position to manipulate their victim. They have no sense of conscience about the evil they do. They lie and deny when confronted.
- The wanderer who only yield to temptation in a moment of crisis and immediately feels remorseful over his failure.
- The lover-boy is the romantic minister who feels drawn to a church member when the flesh convinces him that he is in love.
- The diabolical-pastoral-sex-hunters who uses charms to make women act against their wish. They sometimes use such sexual escapade to renew strange spiritual powers.
- The pastoral manipulators who makes ladies think that sleeping with a minister of God releases special grace on their lives.
It is real in our days
Various Contemporary Examples.
Pastor sleeping with a choir member who was in courtship with the Youth president.
Pastor returning from a vigil, entering the room of a Church members daughter given to them to be helping his wife, and sleeping with her only for the girl’s younger brother in the same room to awake and saw the mess.
Pastor asking another pastor’s wife to send her nude picture to get a favour.
Pastor’s wife who was also a pastor telling another Pastor who supposed to be counseling her on phone that she was feeling his finger under her private part.
Pastor kicked out of Church for having slept with over 30 church members.
Pastor sleeping with girls and telling them that they are lucky to be sleeping with an Anointed man of God, because each time they do, special grace is released and tapped from him.
Pastor calling a Church member who is a spinster, who travelled for a single ladies retreat, and getting angry with her for travelling without telling him, when he had planned to spend the weekend with her.
Pastor impregnated a church members wife and ran away with the woman, abandoning his own wife with the children.
Pastor feigned having been kidnapped but kept by his prostitution customers.
Pastor’s wife pregnant for a Church member.
Pastor claiming that the Holy Spirit has instructed him to be anointing ladies completely naked before they can secure their deliverance.
Pastor using charms to sleep with church members without their knowing until he has finished.
Pastor slept with an Alhaji’s wife.
Pastor sleeping with school girls, peeping at women bathing in bathrooms.
Pastors travelling with ladies other than their wives to revival and meetings and lodging together in hotels.
Consequences of a pastor falling into sexual immorality
- When a minister falls, many are injured.
- Some will leave the Church in anger.
- Some will remain, but vow never to believe any pastor again.
- Parents will be struggling with how to explain pastoral sexual misbehavior to their innocent children who admires their pastor.
- Family of the victim will feel cut-off from the Church, as their person is often seen as the seducer.
- The pastor’s family live in reproach and shame.
- The Church may be divided along pro and anti pastor groups.
- The Church may come under reproach in the community.
The victims of pastoral sexual abuse often include:
- Counselee
- Ministerial staff member in the Church
- Church staff member
- Church member in a teaching or leadership role
- Other member of the congregation.
- Non Church members.
- Spouse of fellow minister
Our Group Response as Ministers:
We must not cajole the victim to remain silent in an attempt to conceal the facts. Proverbs 28:13.
Denominational officers should not become accomplice by secretly recommending the culprit to another Church to cover the evil. Ephesians 5:11.
It should be dealt with honestly and openly to bring healing, health and safety to the Church, the perpetrator and the victim. 1 Timothy 5:20.
The pastor should not be turned to the victim and blame pushed to either the wife or the initial prey. Deuteronomy 16:19.
Fellow ministers should rally round the falling pastor to restore him in the spirit of meekness. Galatians 6:1.
Ministerial colleagues while showing love should not shy away from speaking the truth to their fellow minister so as to come to the point of acknowledgement of his faults, and not just make him dwell in the deceit of been an innocent victim of seduction. Ephesians 4:15; Zechariah 8:16.
The time of the fall of a pastor should not become a time to take a pound of flesh by the committee to take a decision on needed discipline.Romans 12:17,19.
Personal response that guarantees right standing
Understand your own personal susceptibility. Proverbs 14:15.
Recognize the danger signals. Proverbs 22:3
Take note of the warning of your wife. Proverbs 26:12; 13:14.
Build strong support system.
Carry your wife along in your ministry to opposite sex.
Know when referral counseling becomes necessary.
Avoid meeting or counseling with the opposite sex under a locked apartment.
Build intimate relationship with your spouse so that you will be less vulnerable. Sex between you and your spouse is pure, godly and holy. Be romantic and enjoy the best of each other. Avoid sexual denial except by mutual consent for greater devotion to prayer and fasting, understanding that it is not because sex between husband and wife spoils fasting or prayer, but because you desire total devotion. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6. While you should engage in good foreplay to enjoy yourself, do not venture into ungodly practice like fellatio.
Know when to flee. Flee from every appearances of evil. (The story of about 90% of ministers who went for a conference in the US watching pornography at night after each day session.
Textual Summary
As pastors, we should take ministerial sexual ethics beyond the level of academic knowledge, and paper presentations, but practically get committed to keeping to it, as it presents what seems to be the minimal consecration required of us if we must have access to the bread of the presence of God and not be limited to common bread. 1 Samuel 21:4.
We need to take our pastors fellowship meetings and ministers conferences beyond the current level of an egalitarian society, academic paper presentations, and pressure group meeting and turn them to revival and restoration meetings with men and women of integrity, prepared prior to every meeting, who will be available to offer helps to those who are falling before things get out of hands.
From our text in Ephesians 5:1-7, verse 2 and 3 shows that while we should love our Church members, sexual immorality is not part of love. Verse 4 warns us against any foolish talk and coarse joking that can mislead our lives into immorality. Some pastors are rough in talking.
1 Thessalonians 4:1 enjoins us to walk and please God and not ourselves or others. Verse 3 reveals that the will of God is our sanctification and emphasizes avoidance of sexual immorality. We are to learn how to control our vessel. NIV says your own in verse 4. We are not to take advantage of anybody as stated in verse 6. The verse concluded by saying God will punish those who commit such sins. We are called to live a holy life. Verse 7.
2 Timothy 2:19-22 is a call for self examination. For those already cut in the web of sexual immorality, it is time to depart from it. It is time for self-purging. It is time to flee.
We must not be deceived by the residual grace that may keep flowing even when loosed and immoral living has already cutoff intimate fellowship with God. Neither should we get carried away with religious activities, programs and the praise of men, when heaven is already lamenting on our exploits and declaring it unprofitable for the kingdom. Judges 16:1-25; Hebrews 7:18
By Rev’d Mike Adetunji Babatunde. 08023306000.
[1]Arch Hart in Scott Wenig, “Traits of a Sexually Healthy Pastor: A Symposium,” Leadership 16 (Summer 1995), 28.
