BUILDING HEALTHY FAMILIES
Text: 1 Samuel 30:8 to 16
A healthy family is a family that is in good physical and mental condition. Such a family will also be psychologically and morally sound. It is a family that is in a prosperous and efficient condition.
No matter how great and wonderful God’s purpose for a family may be, ill health or an unhealthy state in that family will make it difficult, if not impossible, for the family to fulfill purpose. The former president of Nigeria, who carried a great destiny upon his life, could not continue due to ill health, which eventually took his life. The former governor of Taraba State, though still alive, could not continue in office due to ill health.
The scripture presents to us a young man in 1 Samuel 30:8 to 16 who, when he was healthy, was useful to his master and was doing great exploits until he fell sick. He could no longer fulfill purpose and his master had to replace and discard him. His spirit was almost gone out of him even though his body was still standing.
There are several marriages that appear healthy to people, but the spirit of the marriage is gone or almost gone. They still live together, go out together, and even wear the same dress to show that their home is healthy, but the spirit of the marriage is gone. You hear words like “I am fed up with him or her, but what can I do? I am already in it,” or “I am fed up, but I have no option but to keep managing the situation.”
Jeremiah 10:20
My home is gone and no one is left to help me rebuild it. My children have been taken away and I will never see them again. NLT.
Jeremiah 10:20 to 21
My house is ruined, the roof caved in. Our children are gone, we will never see them again. No one is left to help in rebuilding, no one to make a new start. It is because our leaders are foolish. They never asked God for counsel, and so nothing worked right. The people are scattered everywhere. MSG.
Such marriages are never free from constant friction and quarrels. Various areas of family health that are often affected include:
SPIRITUAL HEALTH
Here the family is spiritually weak and powerless in the place of prayer, the study of the word of God, and worship. Sometimes the family altar has collapsed, or it has turned into a boxing ring for battles of words, all in the name of sharing scriptures. In some families, even though they all live together, they may belong to two to four different denominations. Others have family members who do not attend corporate worship at all, while some who attend remain ordinary bench warmers in the church for many years. These are clear signs of a spiritually unhealthy family.
SOCIAL AND RELATIONAL HEALTH OF THE FAMILY
A family marked by constant conflict between husband and wife, leading to fighting and quarreling, is unhealthy. There may be conflicts between parents and children, and between one child and another, creating hatred and enmity. Some families are in constant conflict with in-laws, neighbors, and others. People try to avoid them at all costs. Such a family is unhealthy.
PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH OF THE FAMILY
Marital stress and conflict often leave one or both spouses, and sometimes even the children, emotionally and psychologically traumatized. Some lose their sleep, suffering from insomnia, while others fall into different forms of depression. The experience becomes more painful when it seems the other party is showing an uncaring attitude.
FINANCIAL HEALTH OF THE FAMILY
When couples find it difficult to be united in their finances, hide financial matters from each other, fight and quarrel over money issues, deal with each other in financial unfaithfulness, or live in constant and unending indebtedness, these are signs of a financially unhealthy family.
MORAL HEALTH
A family is morally sick when the husband, wife, or children become loose and wayward. A family where there is sexual immorality, whether before or after marriage, or where there are other corrupt practices like smoking, drunkenness, drug addiction, cultism, and similar vices, is morally sick. When there is indecent dressing or exposure to harmful content from the entertainment and music world, the family is sick.
ROMANTIC HEALTH OF THE FAMILY
When conflict between husband and wife has drained their love to the extent that they use sexual denial to punish each other, the family is sick. While some couples sleep far apart on the same bed, others sleep on separate beds or even in separate rooms because of unresolved issues. Some no longer engage in intimate discussions, and verbal communication of love and affectionate touch have become things of the past. These are signs of a romantically sick family.
Jeremiah 30:18 to 20
Again, this is the message of the Lord: I will turn things around for Jacob. I will compassionately come in and rebuild homes. The town will be rebuilt on its old foundations, the houses will be splendid again. Thanksgiving will pour out of the windows, and laughter will spill through the doors. Things will get better and better. Days of depression will be over. They will thrive and flourish. The days of shame will be over. They will look forward to having children again and to being a community in which I take pride. I will punish anyone who hurts them. MSG.
HOW TO BUILD A HEALTHY FAMILY
A sick marriage cannot fulfill divine mandate, so there is a need to seek healing. To be healed, we hear the Lord saying, “Come up to me on the mountain and be there” (Exodus 24:1 to 2). He alone has the power to heal our families, but we must carry our problems to him. You cannot carry a problem you have not identified and agreed upon. You must first acknowledge the problem and take it to him. Jesus could not help the Pharisees because they thought they were well, knowing that those who are whole do not need a physician. He also says, “Be there,” as if to tell you not to hurry out of his presence, but to wait until he responds to your case. Even when it seems nothing is happening yet, remain there.
Furthermore, we hear the Lord saying, “Take away the stone” (John 11:39). Every garment of pretense that claims all is well when all is not well must be removed. All the no go areas must be opened for discussion and resolution under God without intimidation. Those sensitive issues that cause quarrels whenever they are raised must be opened before the Lord. You must be willing to apologize where you are wrong and put the interest of the other person above your own. Be humble enough to accept apology where you have been wronged.
In addition, you need to come to terms with your spouse. Effective communication is necessary for any meaningful resolution of unhealthy family situations. Matthew 18:19 requires the agreement of two for things to happen with God. This is why the devil will fight to prevent agreement between spouses on critical matters. It may sometimes be foolish to insist on your right while the devil is weakening your marriage because you are unwilling to bury your pride and let go for peace to reign.
Finally, invite the great physician to step in and restore the health of your family. Hand over the running of your home to Jesus Christ and allow him to rule your affairs. You will then have the strength and vitality needed to fulfill God’s purpose for your family. He said in Jeremiah 30:17, “I will restore health to you and I will heal your wounds.” Open up to each other and take everything jointly to him, and he will restore health to your marriage.
